Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
