I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
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I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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