if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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