All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
