When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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