are you still at the devil's house?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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