Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
