Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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