There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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