I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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