My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
