you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
