SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
