I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
