all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
