I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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