There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
