Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
