Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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