I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
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He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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