Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
