I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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