well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
