I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?