so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.