I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
