I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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