I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
