Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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