He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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