First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
