thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize