Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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