have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
