I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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