You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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