You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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