Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
