I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can I color on your dick again?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
