Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
