just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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