I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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