my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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