He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
