Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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