That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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