Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
