I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
