i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
