what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
