A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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