I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
