She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Are my feet made of real feet?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
