I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
