I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
