idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
