it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
