Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
