Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
