i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
