I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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