If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize