do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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