um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
