I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
