i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
